In Which We Are Once Again Reminded That Kids Are Funny (and Kind of Gross)

It is the end of March, which is the crescendo of the busy season for me. I am getting home at 7:30 or 8 and it will get later in a few days. However, it's Monday, and I generally like Mondays. First, I am recharged. Sunday has been my day off until now, and I spend the afternoon going for a nice jog, playing with the kids, cooking supper, and doing the things I can't do during the week.

During the week, I walk in to what is usually a chaotic scene. Most nights, the girls are ready to read books, and I usually immediately sit down with them to begin their long bedtime routine - (4 books while Ava eats cereal, fed by the reader, and Cate eats an apple, fix Ava her medicine, fix their water, finish reading, brush teeth, have them use the restroom, get Ava in the bed, lay beside her for a minute, come up with some song or story to amuse her and wind her down, go into Cate's room, read a few pages of Ramona Quimby). It takes over an hour on good night.

(It is also necessary for purposes of this story to point out that Ava is obsessed with all things bathroom related, particularly bodily function related. As many 3 year olds tend to do, she thinks all of that stuff is gross and funny, and can't really stop talking about it much, to the point that we have to constantly remind her not to say certain things outside of the bathroom. We have to get on to her at least once a day.)

But as I said, Mondays are good. Got some energy. I really like my job and I have the energy to compete on a Monday. And so I am in a good mood this night as we finish our books, and the girls begin their usual tactics of delaying bedtime at any cost. Eventually, Ava climbs into my lap, and Cate must also have a leg, so I am holding them, one on each knee, and we are being silly. I decide that it's time for us to do a little freestyle singing, and lay out the rules:

"Ok, I will make up a line in a song, and then Cate will sing a line, and then Ava will sing a line."

Agreed.

I begin, to the tune of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.

I know a girl named Mama Babb

Lauren is behind us in the kitchen busily doing something that's bound to be extremely productive.

Cate: She likes to do a little dab

This, is of course, nonsensical, but it rhymes. So she gets the game, but overall, it's a swing and a miss. But, you know, A for effort, Cate.

I tell Ava that it's her turn, not knowing if she will even know how to play this game or get what we're doing.

Ava: She likes to play with the toilet.

Sensing the silly mood, Bathroom Ava has emerged. She sort of giggles around, and I gently admonish her for bringing up that subject again, but that's a 7 point word on Words With Friends, so I am kind of proud. I didn't even know she knew the word "toilet." But it's my turn, and I attempt to change the subject.

Me: Sometimes she cooks well, but sometimes she spoils it.

I am thinking that's pretty clever. Not much rhymes with toilet, and I have made a joke - trying to get a rise out of my wife- while changing the subject, and I have kept the rhyme going. Back to Cate.

Cate: And she does a little dance.

Not bad. Groundwork line. Changing the rhyming scheme. Setting Ava up. But where will she take it? She doesn't even know what a rhyme is as far as I know.

Ava: And she tooted in her pants.

Silence. For a minute time stopped. We all look at her. She looks back at us and blinks. And then....

Click for sound effects

We exploded in laughter. I was rolling. Cate was rolling. Lauren was rolling. Ava thought she was awesome. She loved the attention.

Then Lauren reminded me that we were trying to get her not to say those kind of things. So I told her that was not nice between laughs.

So the lesson that I think she got from that episode is that we don't use bathroom words outside of the bathroom, unless you can be really funny and destroy your competition in freestyle singing.